For the health of my mind, body, and spirit, I choose to walk with:
Gratitude not Envy
Faith not Worry
Confidence not Fear
Kindness not Anger
Charles F. Glassman, M.D.
Three times in my life I have had suicidal thoughts of harming myself. The first time, I was smart enough to check myself into the emergency ward at a local hospital before I actually tried anything to end my life. And started to see a licensed clinical social worker again after I was released from the hospital.
I have had depression and anxiety since I was a teenager and have seen therapists off and on since my parents sent me to see a child psychologist. Of course, I now believe we should have gone as a family, as we all fought constantly.
And then more recently, about four years ago, I went through a very bad time with suicidal thoughts and panic attacks, and thought about taking pills to end my life, and checked myself into psychiatric programs twice (which may have been perimenopausal).
And a great deal of the time in my life all I wanted to do was sleep the whole day away or wished I could go to sleep and never wake up.
Thankfully, today I only still feel like sleeping the day away once in a while. And even more thankfully, I no longer feel like going to sleep and never waking up.
The world is filled with too many beautiful sights, too much music to listen to, road trips to go on, friends to spend time with, purrs from my cat Tigger. These are just the start.
I recently went to one of my mental health support groups, and we did an exercise on gratitude. All the members there that night drew three stones from the approximately 100 the leader had in a bowl, and we went around the room and named one thing we were grateful for and then put one of the stones back in the bowl. We all went around three times, putting back one stone each time until all three stones were back in the bowl.
Actually, I like the idea of the stones. It makes the things I am grateful for feel real. I also think the stones were really pretty, all different kinds of stones, and the stones are from Mother Earth and contain energy. I just bought some stones online at Amazon, so I can do this exercise at home when I do a gratitude list. You can get these or similar stones at my Amazon store. But until I get the stones, I am just going to write a gratitude list here.
A gratitude list lifts me up emotionally. l see what I have good in my life, so I can appreciate it more. And writing a list down also helps me solidify what I have to be grateful for in my mind and spirit. I don’t always remember to write a gratitude list, but when I do it really helps.
So here is my gratitude list for today.
My cat Tigger.
My brother David.
The food in my refrigerator, freezer, and cupboard.
My comfortable bed, sheets, blankets, and pillows.
Running water to drink, bathe in, and wash clothes.
My car, which gives me freedom.
My bedroom, which is starting to get clean again.
Electricity in my apartment, which turns on at the flip of a switch or turn of a knob.
My thyroid and blood pressure meds.
My body and brain that does what I need it to.
So, please instead of doing something to hurt yourself or end your life, please try a gratitude list instead. I don’t want you to go anywhere.